An NBA Fan’s Late Christmas Wish To Santa
Dear Santa:
I woke up this morning learning that our national government is on partial shutdown. Sure, it sounds crazy. Even third world countries and the old Soviet socialist regime all managed to keep their governments operating at all times. But that’s the state of our union today.
Which got me thinking. Would it be okay for a last minute Christmas wish? You don’t need to delivery it by Tuesday. Any time early next year would be fine, though the earlier the better. Thanks.
Here’s the wish of this ardent NBA fan – please let the NBA take over our federal government. After all, the NBA is definitely the best run and most professionally managed sports organization in the USA, perhaps the entire world. Let’s put this expertise and leadership to work on behalf of the country.
It’s easy to get started. Let’s install Gregg Popovich as President and Steve Kerr as Vice President. Both have exhibited remarkable leadership skills over the years, and neither appears to have overt political party affiliations. Plus, there’s already a Popovich Kerr 2020 website, with merchandise, to help implement this.
Now, a few suggestions for key cabinet posts and other responsibilities:
Secretary of State – Jeff Van Gundy, so he can expand his ever growing network of important people he knows. Plus, he could change all the rules of international relations that he feels no longer work.
Secretary of the Treasury – Adam Silver, as he knows how to make money on everything and how to partner with unions.
Secretary of Defense – Mark Jackson, who will teach our troops the “hand down, man down” philosophy of defense.
Secretary of Commerce – Tracy McGrady, who knows how to sell his shoe brand at every opportunity and was a pathfinder in blazing early entry to the China market.
Secretary of Veteran Affairs – Paul Pierce because he’s always talking about teams needing veteran players.
Secretary of Diversity and Inclusion (a new post) – Rachel Nichols, whose passion will create innovative and successful ideas.
Secretary of Education – Chauncey “Big Shot” Billups as he can teach the young kids how to play the game right.
National Security Advisor – Brad Stevens, as the man never makes a move without analyzing it a dozen ways.
Director of the CIA – Lionel Hollins who will be a steady hand on the intelligence tiller.
Director of National Intelligence – Adrian Wojnarowski because he knows all the secrets and backroom dealings before anyone else.
Ambassador to the United Nations – none other than the Big Aristotle himself, Shaquille O’Neal. He’ll teach everyone to love one another and, since he’s bigger than some countries, no nation can say no to him.
White House Press Secretary – Brian Windhorst as no story rattles him and he won’t call anything “fake news,” just an unsubstantiated rumor he has yet to confirm.
White House Chief of Staff – Mike Breen, if he can keep Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson in line on national TV, he can certainly effectively manage the White House staff.
Thanks in advance Santa. I know deep down you too are a diehard basketball fan. After all, isn’t that why you deliver all the presents on Christmas Eve, when no NBA games are scheduled?
Thus, when your work is finished you can relax and enjoy the wonderful five nationally televised games the NBA gives as its Christmas present to NBA fans.
As for me, I’ll be at the Bucks-Knicks game at Madison Square Garden, wearing a white Popovich Kerr 2020 sweatshirt. And hoping that his Christmas Letter reaches you in time.
Thanks Santa!
Readers, please nominate your own cabinet position suggestions and policy advisors in the comments section below.
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